he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
