just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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