You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Duck Duck Cougar?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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