Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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