Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
