Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
