Define "chronic" masturbator.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
