And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want a musical about memes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
