Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
