P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sober January is a disaster.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
