Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
