I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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