Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
