Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
