Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
