the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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