I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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