Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
