so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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