It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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