For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
