dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
