No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
