when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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