Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
