one two three fourrrrnication!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
