I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love you.
Bad choice
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
