I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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