Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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