We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i think my cat just said my name.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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