Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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