At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
