Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
