help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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