oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
