Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
