A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
