What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
