really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
