how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
