i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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