I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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