and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
