If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
