I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
