It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
