Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
