If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
