I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
