We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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