I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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