you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
