I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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